It's been a long time since I posted here, but I've had a lot on my mind and need to put it somewhere. I apologize ahead of time because I already know my grammar and sentence structure are going to be messy and cluttered since I am just throwing this out of my head onto my screen.

Life has been leaving me feeling alone lately and what I mean by this is: I feel like there is much more to this life than work and play. I wake up, go to work, come home to do a chore here and there and then do various things with my day to kill time until it's time to fall asleep and then repeat the cycle all over again. I've spoken with my friend emberisolte, she expressed to me how she feels the need to make some kind of accomplishment during her day or else time feels like a waste. A while ago, I somewhat agreed to this, but I felt like it's different for everyone. Some people can be completely satisfied with the "sleep - work - play" way of life while others needed a hobby or goal to feel satisfied. Some might need to draw while others need to write and live journal post like this one.

For my entire life, I've been living every day to experience the limited joy it can bring me by just having mindless fun. Video games, TV, going out to dinner, etc. Being creative or expressing myself hasn't been a top priority everyday and was usually a completely optional thing to do. It saddens me to think back and not be able to remember a time that I felt the need to stop playing a video game because I needed to write a live journal post, draw in my sketch book, write a poem, or even read a book. My life is just a shell right now.

I've been up for most of the night tonight, tossing and turning. Thinking about how lonely and worthless I feel about who I am.(not trying to cry out for attention and this next part is why even if I did get attention from this post, it wouldnt help how i feel about the person i am).

I thought about how people think of me. "Oh yeah, Nuku, I know that guy, he like to play games and stuff." When I think of the friends and people I know I think, "She likes to draw and is an amazing artist", "He is an incredible writer, every journal entry of theirs I read is formatted as if it was to be printed on the front page of a newspaper." "That person has THIS talent and they should feel successful with their life." I haven't been doing anything with my life, people wont come to me to advice or an opinion because I don't know anything.

I am having a hard time getting the rest of my thoughts out, but the best way I can put it is, I want to have a talent, a hobby, a skill that makes me who I am. I can't consider video games anything to admire someone for when there isn't anything else. I know people that play games way more often than me, but they have talents and skills beyond that. They can build computers, they have other hobbies, etc. Me? I just have games and fun, nothing productive about my life at all.

Okay, so i've got out what I wanted to for the most part, now to actually do something about it (doing what I say is something I have been struggling with for years and I need to start NOW).

Sorry about any typos, I am not going to proof read. It's late and I have to get up for work soon.

Night.

Had a ton o fun today! Went to Fanime today with emberisolte and met up with fjmccloud and had some really tasty dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown San Jose. From there we walked over to the convention center to look around. Also, got to meet up with my high school friend imoto for a quick hug and "hello".

We probably spent about an hour tops at the con this year. Fanime has been losing its grip on me. It used to be a staple of my year; I didn't feel complete without it (that actually sounds kinda sad -_-; ). Now I feel comfortable missing the con completly. It's only real perk is the cool costumes and meeting up with friends I haven't seen for a while.

Sifted through my LJ friends list to removed a few groups and people who's posts I never read.I have been avoiding LJ for almost a year because of it; now my friends list looks much less intimidating! I would always think about catching up on posts, but thought about all the backlogged entries it would have to go through.

Hope to be around LJ much more in the months to come!

On the 23rd of December I was in a car accident. I was sitting in my parked car in a parking lot and the other driver hit my right rear bumper, leaving a large dent and a crack. We exchange information and we went on our ways. I called my insurance

A few weeks later the other insurance company's appraiser came out to look at my car and said I could call for the amount they owed me in a couple days. After calling the other insurance company a few days later, they couldn't seem to find my claim number listed. I called my insurance and they said they would contact the other company.

Today, I recieve a letter in the mail from the other insurance company saying they haven't gotten any reply from their insured and they will not cover my claim. So now I guess I need to pay for it out of pocket? I would like to take this guy to small claims. Does anyone know what legal actions I can take?

Livejournal:
I have been away from Livejournal for some time now. I can't say I even remember reading or posting entries in the past 3 months. I feel like I've been becoming lazy; Twitter has become a sort of "easy mode" way to publish my life. I want to express my thoughts in more than a couple sentences at a time. I still want to use Twitter, but I will also start posting to Livejournal again. So expect to see more of these and me diggin' around your journals.

Further Confusion 2010:
So FC is about 3 weeks away and emberisolte and I are more than excited for it. Since we only went for a few hours (total) to FC09. It just feels like it's almost been TWO years since my last FC. We are going to be staying at the con, so that will add more to the con experience. Can't wait to see everyone there!